In an unsurprising revelation, Uri Geller, the nearly well-known spoon bender and self acclaimed mystic, has stated unequivocally that he is in real-time communication with the recently departed Jackson.
"I was in the middle of one of my globally renowned self-awareness teach-ins($3,500 plus taxes, bring your own sandwiches) when Michael passed" explains Geller.
"I felt a coldness and sense of financial loss" he says and goes on to explain "Michael consulted me on every aspect of his life and I take comfort in knowing that I helped him to be happy".
"He was ecstatic at the end of his time in this manifestation and was feeling no pain".
Turning to his partner, life-coach Carol Caplin, the architect of Cherie Blair's worldwide popularity, Geller asked her to expand on her input to Jackson's lifestyle.
"Michael came to me psychically through Uri for lifestyle advice. It was sad that the channel was not, in the early days, clear. This was brought sharply home to me when Michael dangled his baby son from that balcony".
When pressed, Ms Caplin explained that Jackson was supposed to have "angled the sofa towards the balcony" for Feng Shui reasons.
"His misunderstanding in a Dubai store, when he was arrested for dressing in a burka and pretending to be a woman is also readily explained. Michael was responding to lifestyle advice which the little people just can not understand - or afford", Ms Caplin disingenuously explains. "Uri and I would never have tried to make money from our intimate friendship with Michael - why, on the one occasion that we were on the same continent, we never met".
Geller and Caplin have a new book out - "Reality is Relative" - a life of Michael Jackson which was in your bookstores yesterday - eerily, on the day of Jackson's demise.
