Written by Bureau

Tuesday, 28 April 2009

image for The Susan Boyle Dilemma: Barney Frank Unable To Concentrate On Job After Seeing Susan On TV

Ever since he saw and heard Susan Boyle on the telly, Congressman Barney Frank has not been the same.

"Something definitely has happened to me", admitted Frank. "To be absolutely Frank (a pun there), I have always been gay but from the first night Susan came out on that stage and sang that song, I've been one confused congressman.

Other members of the House have noticed the change.

"You have to call his name two or three times before he notices you", stated fellow congresswoman, Dana Rohrabacher of California. "He's got it bad for somebody and I don't think it's Larry Craig."

Congressman Frank's strange behavior began when he turned on the TV between sessions to relax and caught Boyle's replay on the ABC Evening News. He excused himself from a committee meeting and rushed to his office and emerged two hours later wearing a kilt and an excessive amount of cologne, stating he was headed for Scotland. His aides were finally able to forcibly bring him back into the office to change and go vote.

Later, Frank had an opportunity to call Susan on the telephone and congratulate her on her performance. Frank appeared dreamy eyed and silent while he spoke, and said, "You know, I have some distant cousins in Scotland I need to look up. What part did you say you were from?"

Days after the call to Susan, sources report Frank is still consumed with thoughts of her. Responding to a question on the house floor about the new stimulus bill, he replied, "I wouldna knoo aboot thot!"

Meanwhile, Frank has taken a short leave of absence.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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