Jessica Simpson Releases Reggae Christmas CD

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Wednesday, 17 December 2008

image for Jessica Simpson Releases Reggae Christmas CD
Simpson on the Beach in Jamaica

Desperate to find a recording medium and a musical genre where she might be successful, without being booed by her audience that is, Jessica Simpson is set to release a new Christmas CD done in Reggae style. Teaming up with former Ziggy Marley band members and recording most of the album in Kingston, Jamaica, Simpson is planning to record some of the classics but will create a few new titles on her own as well.

Jamaica recording manager Stone Dalldae, tells reporters that Simpson's new songs are powerful in their own right. "After a couple of months down here mon, she mellowed right out and found her Reggae muse. Jessica's creative juices really began to flow."

Covering old standards like "Silent Night" and "Silver Bells" done with Reggae beats, Simpson will add three new original cuts to the album. Replacing the lyrics to "Oh Little Town of Bethlehem", Simpson's version titled "The Ganja Road to Bethlehem", is a modified Mary and Joseph travel story where they don't seem to be as concerned about sleeping in the barn. "Rudolph the Bloodshot Reindeer" tells the story of one whacky Christmas where having Rudolph guiding the sleigh was probably a bad idea. Finally, "Have Yourself a Merry Little Beach Party", replaces wishes for sharing yuletide, with dreams of getting Fu@<ed up on the beach next to the ocean tide.

Dalldae says, "It's a different kind of holiday album, a little bit off center, but so is Jessica when she sings. It's the perfect album to kick back with a tall glass of rum punch and a fatty, and watch the lights twinkle on the tree. Rasta style, mon."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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