On this day in 2007: Lily Allen

Funny story written by Roy Turse

Monday, 2 March 2009

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The Third of March 2007 has gone down in history as the day that Lily Allen discovered swearing and decided to make it her career.

Now, two years later, she has carved out a name for herself in the popular swearing industry by ensuring that most of her songs are unsuitable for the audience they are aimed at. Although her swearing is interspersed with occasional music, she has managed to ensure that the swearing is not excessively diluted by the other lyrics.

Lily has managed to incorporate extremely high quantities of swearing into her two albums, and has backed this up by live swearing performances. She is one of very few British swearing acts that are considered just as capable in a live performance as she is swearing in the studio.

She has strenuously denied that the few songs that do not contain swearing are just a publicity stunt. She claims that although swearing is her forte, she has other strings to her bow including drinking and smoking. She also hosted a TV show which mixed celebrity guests, YouTube videos, and some swearing. The show received several poor critical reviews, mostly because Lily was working outside her comfort zone by occasionally withholding profanity.

Lily is now back in the studio working on her third album. Her intent, she says, is to go back to her roots, and remove all the words that are not swearing from the tracks. Mick Ronson has collaborated on some blasphemy, and there is also a competition on her website for fans to send in any rude words they know so she can make the album one to remember. As Lily says, "Teenagers know that swearing is clever and original, and I'm there to support them."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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