Written by JAB

Friday, 12 December 2008

image for Marley to Head Grinch Committee
Senator Jacob Marley

Washington--The U.S. Senate has announced the appointment of a sub committee, Government Research Into Nonessential Christmas Habits (GRINCH) to be headed by Senator Jacob Marley. The committee of three wise Senators, plan to visit the Holy land, North Pole and Lapland. Among the organizations and interested parties expected to testify with their concerns, are:

Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) --- has the sleigh been filing a timely flightplan and have on- time statistics been provided to the DOT?

Humane Society --- what food choices, living conditions, conjugal visits, and health plans are made available to Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder and Blitzen ?

Department of Homeland Security(DHS) --- are there scissors less than four inches long and tools less than seven inches,that this "nearsighted challenged" individual, carries in his bag when flying?

Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) --- are the gas emissions by the reindeer contributing to global warming?

National Gay and Lesbian Task Force(NGLTF) --- why is reindeer, Prancer's, sexual orientation not revealed and why has Donder not come out of the stall?

Comet --- the company is seeking restitution for the unauthorized use of its name and damages due to the confusion people may have between a toilet bowl and a reindeer.

World Trade Organization (WTO) --- is the giving away of toys, dolls and other children's gifts unfair to the labor laws of the Dogon population living along the Cliffs of Bandiagara?

Occupational Safety and Health Administration(OSHA) --- are the "vertically challenged" workers being provided with hardhats,earplugs,safety glasses,aprons,steel-toed boots, left or right handed tools, booster seats, and milk and cookies during breaks?

Rev Al Sharpton --- is it necessary for this jolly fellow to say ho,ho,ho instead of ha,ha,ha or hee,hee,hee ?

The report of the committee's findings is expected to be released sometime in 2009.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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