Written by P.M. Wortham

Tuesday, 14 October 2008

image for Barbara Walters, Star Jones in Celebrity MMA Fight

Following comments made by Ms. Jones about her "hateful" co-hosts on the morning television series "The View", Barbara Walters released a few choice comments of her own to reporters after a recent taping of the show.

"The blimp really needs to get a life, and stay out of ours", Walters said.

The interview continued when one journalist asked if Walters' comments about Jones' weight were fair, given her current svelte appearance. Walters replied, "If you go from 300 pounds of blubber to 100 pounds of fashion model tightness in 30 days, you're a blimp who can afford a pant-load of plastic surgery."

"I resent those remarks." Jones said. "I've had no surgery at all. It was just a highly effective diet."

"Diet my ass", Walters responded. "That must be why you can bounce a quarter off her cheek. Her face looks like the skin on a snare drum."

The escalating language being thrown back and forth between Walters and Jones have led their agents to schedule a charity boxing match using mixed martial arts (MMA) rules. Jones was quoted as saying, "This young hottie is going to pull out a can of street-justice whoopass on that old bag." Walters' replied, "Well, I'm a 4th degree practicing black belt. I'll just tear that bitch apart, and smile on my way back to the dressing room."

All proceeds from the event will go to the Children's Home for Domestic Violence.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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