The Spoof, a popular on-line news and humor magazine, has been purchased from founder and former editor Mark Lowton by two of the writers on the site. Queen Mudder and Jalapenoman (pen names, of course) bought the site for a reported 2.5 million points.
Both writers have been active on the website for over three years, amassing over 3000 stories between them. They are also the only two humorists to have crossed the million point threshold. They are two of the surviving writers from the dark age of The Spoof, when Helium was the editor and writers were blackballed with the current frequency of turd stories.
As Queen Mudder lives in London and Jalapenoman lives in, of course, New Mexico (in the southwestern United States), the site will now have two offices. The J-Man announced that he will control the business and submisstions from North and South America, the Pacific Islands, and Antarctica. Queen Mudder will take care of the advertising and submissions from Europe, Asai, Africa, and the Azores.
When asked what changes they planned to make, each had a list. Queen Mudders ideas included:
- A health plan will be provided for Veteran Writers (those who have written more than 100 stories). Premiums will be paid at the following rate: 50% by the writer, 50% by the writer's normal daily employer.
- A stock option and 401k plan will be provided to writers.
- Jesus Budda, Duncan Whitehead, and Buckwheatsbutt will cease and desist from harrassing the new female writers (like Tiki, Sophie's personality cult, Jane, and Candice Hitler) and the advertising company models (especially the Threadpit girl).
- Stories making fun of lawyers/attorneys/barristers will not be permitted. Ever. For any reason. Because I said so.
- Male writers living in the British Isles who wish to perform the service of sex slave and boy toy to me will be interviewed, tied up, and punished (whenever I feel like it).
- "Smoke and Mirrors" and "Bullox" will become the official subtitles of the sections currently known as Story Discussion and Writer's Discussion in the Forums.
- Any future writer approaching one million points will be forced to start over at the beginning after 900,000.
- Stories rated positively (four or five stars) will continue to keep the stars. Stories rated negatively (currently one or two stars) will receive turds instead of stars.
- Father Fergus McCarthy, The Other Son of God, has accepted the position of Chaplain on The Spoof. As he is Irish, he will be happy to be paid in beer.
- I put up 60% of the total points to buy this site, so Jalapenoman better watch his ass or I'll relegate all his stories to the magazine section.
Jalapenoman offered the following:
- The Featured Writer position will alternate between QM and the J-Man, with the occasional bone thrown to the other two writers to have survived Helium: Moose & Squirrel and NickFun (Asiababe).
- Rule Number One: Bribery will be accepted.
- Extra points will be awarded to writers who follow rule #1. They may also receive Featured Writer status on their birthdays.
- The sexuality of Queen Mudder must never again be questioned. He/She can be whatever she/he wants on any particular day (and watch out if she/he is PMSing or on the rag).
- Turd stories will be elimanated, as they tend to stink (unless the writer of the turd story remembers rule #1).
- Writers professing to have large mammary organs (like Norma Snockers or Jenny Bigtits) must submit photographic proof to me (editor in charge of all large breasted writers)
- Casual Fridays will be allowed if writers will agree to make weekly $5 donations to my son's college savings plan.
- Female writers who compose stories in the nude (or are scantilly clad) must agree to use a web cam when writing.
- The editors' birthdays will be observed as Spoof holidays and all points accumulated on those days will automatically go to them.
- All writers will agree to provide their $100 fee upon reading my advice column or their stories will never be put into rotation and Chester will be permitted to edit them for grammar, spelling, and sentence structure.
Official transfer of the site will take place when Mark Lowton returns from his vacation with his wife to The Betty Ford Clinic for Treatment of Males Not Pussywhipped Enough.
