Aliens Responsible for Most Popular Music

Funny story written by Clete Plow

Wednesday, 12 May 2004

image for Aliens Responsible for Most Popular Music
"How did you THINK Michael Jackson wrote all those hits?"

Music that sounds "Out of this World" just might be...

It was in the Louisiana State Penitentiary in July 1933 that Huddie Ledbetter met folklorist John Lomax and his son Alan who were touring the south for the Library of Congress collecting unwritten ballads and folk songs using newly available recording technology. The Lomaxes had discovered that Southern prisons were among the best places to collect work songs, ballads, and spirituals but Leadbelly, as Ledbetter now called himself, was a particular find.

How the uneducated, often homeless or imprisoned Leadbelly developed such an uncanny ability to create hit songs has long been a mystery. The facts have recently come to light in a new book, "Algorythm and Blues - The math behind the music"

Music historians around the globe are stunned to discover that the man was a Mathematical prodigy and was not ashamed to use it on his music to insure hits. Years before the first computers and in an era when "audience research" was as unheard of as "regular bathing" Leadbelly had devised a process using mathematical formulas to analyze beats, melodies and lyrics to create the perfect popular song. For example, Leadbelly revealed during a recent séance, "I was gonna call it "Goodnight Jeff", but the AlgoRythm and Blues system lead me to calls it "Goodnight Irene" - and the rest be history."

How did this man come to harness the power of advanced mathematics to create songs that would stand the test of time?

Leadbelly, unlike Robert Johnson who had made a deal with the Devil down at the crossroads had instead made a deal with visitors from a distant and far more advanced civilization. He explained, "I was out a wanderin' along the Mississippi and they was a bright light coming low across the river. At first I thought it was a train coming but there weren't no train tracks and weren't no sound. Then next thing I know I'm in a white room - with black curtains - at the station - and there's some kinda cold metal shit up my ass. So I looked at these three little guys who were there - all weird big heads an shit and they said "Bam-Ba-Lam!" and then - next thing i know I'm writing Calculus in the mud with a stick and analyzing acoustical guitar vibrations with my mind..."

The first song Leadbelly wrote after his abduction was "Black Betty" With it's repeated "Bam-ba-Lam" it was a huge hit - and it was no accident. "I be da masta of AlgoRhythm and Blues Music - Bam-Ba-Lam!", exclaimed Leadbelly, "Now if only I had thought to keep all my publishing rights."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more