Multi-millionnairess Heather Mills astonished medical experts yesterday when she announced that her amputated left leg has started growing again, fuelling intense speculation that the ex-model's ex-husband Paul McCartney has secret latent healing powers, just like Jesus had.
Mills, who sold her lower left leg for £50 in 1993 to raise the money for a skiing trip, told doctors in London that her stump had grown more than 3 inches since her divorce from Sir Paul, who had stroked it religiously for 5 minutes every morning whilst they were married.
Dr Jack Hill, a top Harley Street quack, explained that, if fed and watered, and if looked after lovingly, the leg could start to grow quicker than bamboo:
"It's a rare condition known as Pinnochiotis, and is brought on by incessant distorting of the truth. It normally affects the nose though."
Mills went to work in Croatia as a skiing instructor in 1993, but, as a direct result, war broke out. Sent home, she was made to promise not to start any more wars.
Mr McCartney, meanwhile, has dispelled any rumours of him being a modern-day Jesus Christ by telling journalists gathered outside his 130-acre estate at Peasmarsh in East Sussex:
"I sold more records than he did."
