FBI files reveal: Obama Abbie Hoffman's 'love-child'

Funny story written by Tragic Rabbit

Sunday, 24 February 2008

image for FBI files reveal: Obama Abbie Hoffman's 'love-child'
Chicago's own Barack "maximum unity" Obama revealed as love-child of Abbie Hoffman.

Secret 60's-era COINTELPRO files and wiretap records reveal proof that presidential hopeful Barack Hussein Obama is not son of his mother's Kenyan-born husband as previously reported but actually 'love-child' of her tryst with infamous Chicago Seven terrorist Abbie 'Steal This Book' Hoffman, say subrosa FBI sources.

Hot on media revelations of Obama's mentor relationship with unreformed Chicago radical-turned-academics William "I don't regret bombs" Ayers and Bernadine Dohm--together responsible for 25 political bombings during the 1960s--insiders now reveal stunning classified FBI info on Obama's paternity.

COINTELPRO photo and phone files on Hoffman document how his brief Berkeley encounter with Obama's mother, then a curvacious Hawaiian surfer-yippie-chick, and her subsequent nine month 'visit to an aunt' resulted in birth of Chicago's own Barack "maximum unity" Obama, now vying with Senator Clinton for position of Democratic 2008 presidential nominee.

The truth of his Hoffman paternity calls into question the sincerity of Obama's oft-stated aim of establishing "maximum unity" by creating a wide base of cross-spectrum support among American voters. Can Obama truly distance himself from leftist associations among unreconstructed terrorists of the Chicago intelligensia?

In particular, many wonder if Barack can realtistically say 'no' to his mother and her apparent yuppie-née-yippie legacy, however fleeting the marijuana-laden connection.

"Yeah, I remember her, " an anonymous former SDS member revealed when questioned by Washington Muckraker staff reporters between tokes at a well-known Hyde Park crashpad, "Yeah, she had the hots for Abbie, sure...yeah…wow, that was a great party, man, I remember that night…yeah, man..."

"You wanna hit?"

Extensive FBI files on Hoffman and other SDS or Weather Underground members, once thought destroyed, still remain in FBI custody, several sources assure us.

Hoffman's file alone takes up several shelves and a broom closet, they add, this despite official FBI claims that all citizen files were shredded during the dissolution of COINTELPRO, the 60s-era FBI program of covert investigations into domestic dissident groups, by then-director J. Edgar Hoover.

When asked whether the FBI files were indeed shredded as Hoover announced in 1972, one Washington source laughed.

"Sure they were, but damn, ain't you people ever heard of Xerox?"

Obama campaign manager David Pooffe could not be reached for comment.

Tragic Rabbit, Washington Muckraker, Hyde Park

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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