Caracas, Venezuela - (Crackpot Mess): In a departure from his customary rant about Global Piss Process leaders Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez has spoken to GQ Magazine's roving editor Naomi Campbell today about some of the world's most publicised women and their impact on global headlines.
Chavez castigated Pretender to the Puppet Throne Prince Charles' 'wife' (sic) Camilla as "one hairy slag with crap teeth and halitosis more lethal than a dose of sarin".
As for the late Diana, Princess of Wales, Chavez was scathing at the UK's 'delusional policy' of claiming she was dead "when everybody knows she's still running the same brothel in Tel Aviv where Central Casting found her in the first place."
But his most savage criticism was for detractors of singer Britney Spears who Chavez rates as "an exemplary mother" demonised by a "gold-digging ex-husband determined to destroy her with mind-bending narcotics concealed in her toothpaste".
"If ever she gets into really serious trouble I'd be delighted to offer Britney asylum, right here in the Presidential Palace in Caracas," Chavez beamed at the GQ Magazine photographer.
"To me she is the ideal woman. Tits not too big, great ass and absolutely no inhibitions about putting it about.
"And for a small consideration I'll even guarantee she'll be a widow by Valentine's Day!"
Naomi Campbell is 34-24-32.