Naomi Campbell has said that she will auction off her jail bird clothes that she wore in prison after the alleged murder of her unborn maid. Any sweaty patches around the gusset will be removed and auctioned at a special celebrity excreta night for Children In Need later in the year.
Naomi left prison yesterday in a dress, fashioned from the collected scales of discarded kippers. The dress had been hand stitched by Trappist monks flown in specially to coincide with the lanky cow's sentence. She has also woven some attractive coasters and placemats from her own pubic hair that she shed during her stay. We think that she may give these as presents to some elderly relatives at Christmas later this year.
Another prisoner told us that the dress stank of rotting fish although this may have been her front bottom kicking up as she is a bit of a smelly cow. During her sentence, we had to call in Environmental Health after an outbreak Cholera and Mange had been traced back to a stain on some pants that had been found near Campbell's cell.
Naomi will probably wash at some point today, mainly concentrating on her armpits, feet, front and back bottoms and face.
