Hugo Chavez and King Juan Carlos sent to Indian Yoga retreat to "get right with God" and repair relations

Funny story written by King David

Monday, 12 November 2007

image for Hugo Chavez and King Juan Carlos sent to Indian Yoga retreat to "get right with God" and repair relations
Chavez and Spanish King Juan Carlos sent to Ayurvedic retreat center on India's West coast to "Get right with God&qu

After the spat and food fight so comically and repleatly covered by the Queen (Mudder) in Santiago, Latin American leaders, Hugo Chavez and Spain's puppet monarch, King Juan Carlos were being sent by an unknown board of Latin American nationals concerned with global peace to the Purple Valley Yoga retreat center in Goa, India.

"These men have been working under tremendous stress lately. We want to relax," one board member said.

The Purple Valley is located on India's West coast where white, sandy beaches mingle and touch the azure, Arabian Sea. At Purple Valley, leaders will be treated daily with rub downs consisting of traditional, Ayurveda massage, full body scrubs, lymphatic and aromatic massage and a special fresh fruit massage applied by teenage Indian virgins used to soften the skin and leave it glowing with only ripe and organic fresh in fruits in season grown by local farmers.

They will also both be enrolled in a two week course of traditional, Ashtanga yoga. Classes will be held, following and before massage treatments, in the morning and afternoons.

In the evenings, after a healthfully prepared, seven-course gourmet meal consisting of fresh grouper caught earlier in the day from the Arabian sea and in season fruit grown by local, organic farmers, the leaders will be milked by an English dominatrix in black stockings and a garter belt to full ejaculation.

"We want Hugo (pronounced ugo-"h" is silent) to just ooze out of there like naranja jugo, Spanish for orange juice."

In their classes, they will learn to relax and use traditional, Ashtanga yoga forms, or positions (called asanas, not asses) to quiet the mind and will put them in touch with the ancients. They will be expected to be able to hold each position for at least 10 minutes by the end of the 2 week session.

If they cannot do this, they will have their testicles cut off and flung upon the statue of Augusto Pinocet and be put into a bull rink with Mexico's meanest bull, "El Peligroso" (the dangerous) and be required to fight to the death.

Some positions that the leaders will experience include:

Adho (Sanskrit for "asshole") Mukha Svanasana, or the "Downward Facing Dog"
Ardha Chandrasana, Sanskrit for "Half Moon farting pose"
Natarajasana - Sanskrit for "King Poser pose"
Ustrasana - the "Camel toe pose"
Gomukhasana, or "Cow Face pose"
Savasana - the "Goat Riders pose"
Parsva Bakasana-the "Puppet Monarch pose"
Salamba Sirsasana - the "Drunken dictator pose"
Utkatasana - the "CIA (Caught In the Act) pose"
Padmasana -the "Happy bull pose"
Vrschikasana - the "Crabs in a kettle pose"
Shalabasana - the "Bun fight pose"
Supta Baddha Konasana - the Machismo pose"
Anantasana - the "Sleeping virus pose"
Ananda Balasana, the "Village people YMCA pose"
Ardha Matsyendrasana - the "Governor/bodybuilder of California pose"
Garudasana - the "Bong hits for Jesus pose"
Halasana - the "Jalepeno pepper in the desert pose"
Hanumanasana - the "hardworking editor in Manchester pose"
Janu Sirsasana - the "Gnarly man in the frozen tundra pose"
Hanumanasana - the "Monkey Woods pose"
Lolasana -the "Newly elected Guilderland, NY city councilman who promises to give other Spoof writer's a break on traffic tickets in upstate New York pose"
Matsyasana - the"Fergus McCarthy, or sexually frustrated, angry Irishman pose"
Matsyasana-- the "knave 'in waiting' Mark James pose"
Salamba Sirsasana - the "NickFun Bootylicious pose"
Tittibhasana-the Buckley E. Filbert, vaginal speculum sampler, Hollywood libertine pose"
Navasana - the "Boatload of Spoof writer's pose"
Urdhva Hastasana-the "American public and Spoof reader pose"
Parsvottonasana the "Miller's tale pose"
Pincha Mayurasana - the "Happy gringo chupacabara pose"
Supta Matsyendrasana-the "American president on the flight deck of an aircraft carrier dressed in flight gear pose"
And Tadasana-the "Queen's udders pose"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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