JK Rowling "Outs" Hagrid as Bestiality Practitioner

Funny story written by mgoosen

Friday, 16 November 2007

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Hagrid's Next Conquest?

(Manchester, UK, Nov 16) In a further surprise announcement about the sexual proclivities of one of the characters of the popular children's Harry Potter series, author JK Rowling has announced that "in my mind, Rubeus Hagrid was always into bestiality".

The comment came in answer to a question at a recent "meet the author" night in Manchester, England. The question was, "Did Hagrid and Madame Maxime ever get together?". Rowling answered, "Hagrid's relationship with Madame Maxime was doomed to failure. In my mind, Hagrid was always a practitioner of bestiality. When Madame Maxine discovered this, after he suggested a 3-way with a hippogriff, she quickly broke off their relationship".

Rowling has hinted that she might be working on an encyclopedia of all the unusual sexual interests of the Hogwarts world, called "Hogwarts - The Back Door". "There is so much of the sexual history of the adult characters of the Harry Potter series that I wasn't able to get into in the series, but would like to further explore", said the noted author.

A source close to Rowling, speaking on deep background, and not for attribution, suggested that there might be some additional shockers yet to come. Regarding Hagrid, there will be more information on his various exploits, and frequent trips to the Hogwarts infirmary for various injuries related to his sexual exploits. "There was the time he came in with burned testicles from having his way with a blast-ended scroot, and the time Madam Pomfrey needed to remove a giant spider from his colon. 'Why use a gerbil, with only four legs when a giant spider has eight' he is reported to have said. Hargid's greatest disappointment of course was when his young dragon Norbert (aka Norberta) was taken away from him before he had been able to "light her fire".

Other shockers to be revealed in the new book will detail the bacchanalian revelries among the faculty during the summers while the students are away. Apparently the "Forbidden Forest" gets its name more for what goes on there, than from any actual dangers. Professor McGonagall is said to have a fondness for the Centaurs; Professor Flitwick (known by his nickname "Shortwick") is known to get it on with the lady house elves; Professor Sprout is said to choose one particularly well-endowed mandrake root each summer; and Severus Snape and Sybil Trelawney are noted for performing their "dirty"-dancing style "Sanchez Flamenco". And as for Angus Filch "you just don't want to go there" said the source.

Rigel Harmon, editor of the Potter series for Scholastic Books refused to comment on any plans for the upcoming book.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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