Former Bond Pierce Brosnan may Face Assault Charges

Written by Jesus Budda

Wednesday, 31 October 2007

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Brosnan is shaken but not stirred after being pinched in the anus

Smug b*stard Pierce Brosnan is being investigated for alegedly assaulting a photographer. LA County Sheriff Randy Allnite had this to say: "We are investigating a complaint made against smug b*stard Pierce Brosnan. That is all we can say right now. If all you newspaper folk will form a nice orderly line and get your check books out I might have some more for ya".

He declined to give details but said the incident took place October 26 at a celebrity leper colony in Malibu, next to Mel Gibson's mansion.

A witness was reported as saying Brosnan, who was with his pet Llama, scuffled with photographer Nick Onn after he complimented Brosnan on his James Bond films. It's said that Brosnan reacted by cursing the phographer and hitting him in the testicles while the photographer pinched the actor in the anus (yes that is "pinched" in anus.)

Sheriff Allnite, after accepting some loose change from a journalists pocket, said results of the investigation will be referred to the LA County District Attorney's Office for a decision on whether to bring charges against the b*stard actor.

Pierce Brosnan's spokeswoman was not immediately available for comment. Brosnan, 54, portrayed James Bond in four movies from 1995 to 2002 - only one of them was not sh*t, Goldeneye, but even that was no match for the brilliance of Roger Moores legendary output of 7 classics.

After hanging up his tuxedo and handing in his Walther PPK, Brosnan - a b*stard -got trapped in a cycle of cheap and sh*tty Bond copycats. The Irishman is desperate to reprise his most loved role, that of Remmington Steele, and is in negotions (begging) to make a spinoff movie with cameos from Murder She Wrote's Jessica Fletcher and short-lived Tv serial Mannimal.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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