Alan Greenspan Admits USA May Be Near Bankrupcy

Funny story written by Nowido

Wednesday, 31 October 2007

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Alan Greenspan

In a manner reminiscent of Dickens "A Christmas Carol" Alan Greenspan after a visit last night by the ghost of Ayn Rand, has recanted all his pomp's and works as former Chairman of the Federal Reserve Board. In tears during the interview, he said that Ayn acquiesced him of becoming a Dr Robert Stadler and losing touch with his former principles.

He admitted that during his reign as Chairman that the "only" real policy that he actually pursued was to print money like crazy any time things seemed to be in trouble in the economy. He said that this was especially true during the bubble in the late 90's and also after the 911 crises. He admitted to being responsible for many of the economic ills which face our economy today and to starting the housing bubble infecting the economy today.

He related how much he hated to appear before the House Banking Committee since Rep Ron Paul knew exactly what he was doing and always questioned him directly on these matters. But since he always spoke in "Greenpanese" and to a press who did not squat about economics, he was able to avoid public scrutiny concerning these questions.

He also cautioned that the current policies of "Helicopter" Ben Bernanke, the current Chairman of the FRB, were just a continuation his past policies and will do even more harm. [Editors note: the term "helicopter" as applied to Mr Bernanke is the result of him once saying that the FRB would drop $20 bills from helicopters, if necessary, to prevent problems in the economy.]

Although he once praised the creation of derivatives as a source of "insurance" against economic downturns, he now agrees with Warren Buffet, that they are worthless pieces of paper and cannot be valued or traded as most other real financial instruments. He said now that there are about $450 trillion of these things floating around the planet, that it was a good thing, gone haywire. And this has led to what "could be the imminent" bankruptcy of every government, company and individual on the entire Earth.

He first was a little amused about the so-called "Sub-prime" crises in the real estate industry, but soon realized that what was occurring was the evaporation of all derivatives related to real estate, and soon to all other forms of these "damned curses" on the books of all companies. He admitted that these things were worthless and "you are now seeing only the tip of the iceberg."

He admitted that this could result in the bankruptcy of the entire United States and most of its companies.

But many have accused Alan of "sour grapes" after he was chastised by the Bush Administration for certain comments made in his new book "The Age of Turbulence: Adventures in a New World." [Editors note: this title sounds like a new ride to be built at Disneyworld and not a recap of Alan's career.]

In researching additional information on Alan Greenspan after the interview, ISWIRE has learned that while Alan was part of Ayn Rand's inner circle during the 1960's that the members of the group nicknamed Alan "The Undertaker." We wonder how they knew that someday he may become the "undertaker" to the world's financial system.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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