Lynwood Jail, Los Angeles - (Ass Mess): Jailed socialite Paris Hilton has blamed hexed reproductive organs for her terrible dilemma and has asked attorneys to arrange an immediate hospital vagina transplant following her scheduled release from jail this Sunday.
A number of private donors are said to have come forward via internet websites and offered direct surgical swaps with the blonde heiress.
This procedure can be successful according to some plastic surgery experts although the caveats still prevent many from attempting anything so radical.
"Chief fears among transplant patients is rejection," Beverly Hills medical sources told the press today.
"Then there's a curious organ transplant memory retention syndrome.
"Many amputees for instance have reported strange feelings of experiencing the life memories of those whose limbs they have acquired via surgery.
"Now in the case of Paris Hilton this could be a two-edged sword.
"If a transplant swap goes ahead, who knows how the lady might start feeling if she acquires some other woman's sexual hystery?
"If she really acquired Paris's vagina's memories could she legally sell them on the internet or not? This is the question!
"Then even if the Paris donor is a bona fide virgin there could still be all kinds of masturbatory memories that have to be taken into account.
"And of course in a direct two-way swap the woman who will become the direct recipient of Paris's vagina had better have a pretty strong stomach if all the stories going round LA are true.
"We have a team of counsellors standing by for post-op care and therapy of course.
"But we're talking uncharted waters here."