World of Warcraft Player Loses Virginity - In Real World!

Funny story written by The Vicar of Basildon

Friday, 8 June 2007


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Marshall aka "DONUTPOKER" had only been acquainted with the pleasure of the palm before meeting Chantelle!

FALMOUTH, MA - 08/06/07. Players of Blizzard's popular online game, "World of Warcraft" were today reeling from the news that one of their brethren had lost their virginity - in the real world.

Marshall Marshmallow, a resident of Falmouth, MA, paid for an advertisement in this month's edition of PC Gamer to proclaim his achievement.

Marshall, known to his online companions as "DONUTPOKER", outlined his success in the advertisement by having sexual intercourse in the missionary style with a used blow-up doll he had bought from an Ebay seller in Basildon, UK.

"It was amazing," Marshall said. "I'd only ever had fantasies of marrying elves and the odd homosexual thought of buggering orcs, but when Chantelle arrived my thoughts turned to other things.

Marshall continued. "I'd suggested going slowly at first - you know, go on a date, maybe see 'Lord of the Rings' at the movies but Chantelle was only after one thing - my big fat hairy sexy rolls of Warrior fat!

"I hadn't been so sexually aroused since the launch day of The Burning Crusade expansion pack. Chantelle wasn't easily satisfied though - I had to pump into her at least three times before I'd used up all my Victory Rush Level 2 and collapsed with a Commanding Shout Level 3!"

Gamers around the world were quick to dismiss DONUTPOKER's claims.

"I just don't believe any WoW Player even knows what sex is," said Paladin 'MONKEYFONDLER' on American gaming forum, 'COUNTERSTRIKE FAGGOTS'. "I think he's a Level 4 Liar!"

However, Marshall claims the whole story is true.

"Definitely!" said an angry Mr. Marshmallow. "To prove it's true, my next big announcement will come when I open the front door, go outside and breath some fresh air."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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