NFL Draft Cancelled

Funny story written by clevelandclowns

Saturday, 9 June 2007

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NEW YORK CITY - Accusations that have been buzzing owners' offices and coach's meeting rooms have finally been confirmed. This year's NFL draft has been cancelled.

NFL commissioner, Paul John Tagliabue (pronounced "cut-the-steer"), opted the NFL draft is no longer a benefit for a franchise due to the recently lacking caliber of player being showcased.

"These players never hit the ground running. And in some cases, he (Kellen Winslow) won't even play for 1, 2, sometimes even 3 years later," explained Cleveland Browns' veteran punter Kyle Richardson.

Dallas Cowboys owner Jerrel Jones exclaimed, "I never liked the draft to begin with," while co-owner of the San Francisco 49ers Denise DeBartolo York added, "A lot of the times, these greenhorns even needed summer camps to prepare them for the NFL level of play. That's ridiculous!"

Although majority of owners did concur to dissolve of the draft last year, it seems the league finally thrusted the ruling through after final union negotiations arose to an agreement between the NFLPA and owners.

The decree yesterday affirmed the initial determination of case # CTOWN-024. This case allowed for owners to grant eligibility status to players who were over 65.

A spokesman for former NFL Wide Receiver Rae Carruth disclosed the following statement from the Carruth camp: "I think it'll be a good thing for guys who don't feel like just playing golf. They get bored; especially if they're not hitting their irons well."

Former Defensive End Leonard Little also included, "I agree with the rule. I don't like when rookies came in and became starters. It's not fair for the other players; especially the vets." Appeals have been made by former Ohio State Running Back Maurice Clarett and that case will begin next week.

The claimant explains, "I don't know why really. My lawyer called me and asked 'do you wanna try to win some money' and I responded 'yes,' so now we're going to trial this week with the union." All in the midst of still waiting a trial date for his current allegation of aggravated-robbery.

Although the NFL draft will no longer exist, an online consensus illustrated fans agreement with the regulation and one comment was "now I can actually plan other things that weekend. I hated how I had to stare at reporters for 2 days. At least just keep it to 1 round."

Tagliabue finished his statement with optimism about the new law and closed with, "I think this will be a big hit with the kids and we just signed Tom Dempsey out of retirement. That should be pretty cool to see a little bit of physical diversity out there."

Matt Warzel

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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