KALAMAZOO, Michigan – (Fake News) – Noreen Goodweather, 24, dropped out of the 12th grade to help care for her 13 brothers and sisters.
Her mother worked three jobs including being a prison guard at Kalamazoo State Prison.
As her siblings got older Noreen took a job working as a maid for an ex-Major League baseball player.
She gave all of her paycheck to her mom; keeping only $18 to buy clothes, makeup, tampons, and fast food.
Out of each check Noreen would take $2 and buy a scratch-off ticket.
One day, as she and her boyfriend, Teddy, were driving around in his Kia Sorento, they stopped at a convenience store to buy two cans of Diet Dr. Pepper and two white chocolate donuts.
Noreen bought a Jingle Jangle Jingle Bells scratch-off ticket. As she scratched it in her boyfriend’s car, she could not believe it when she matched three numbers to her base numbers, 7, 13, and 92.
And just like that Noreen had won $26 million. Her boyfriend quickly said, “Alright honeycakes, let’s see $26 million divided by two comes out to $13 million each!
“Wrong Arithmetic Boy," $26 million divided by 1 comes out to $26 million, as in $26 million for little old me (Noreen).
Right away Noreen reminded him how only yesterday, he had broke her heart by telling her that he had cheated on her with three of her friends.
SIDENOTE: So like they say in Reno, Nevada, paybacks are a bitch, buttface!
