Chief Sitting Bull's Long Lost Wedding Canoe is Finally Found

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 4 July 2021

image for Chief Sitting Bull's Long Lost Wedding Canoe is Finally Found
This is a photo of Chief Sitting Bull's infamous "Wedding Canoe" with the initials "bs."

CUSTER, South Dakota –- (Satire News) - A group of historical archaeologists have just discovered the infamous wedding canoe that once belonged to Chief Sitting Bull of the Hunkpapa Sioux.

Group leader Tammy Fresno, 32, said that the canoe was found half buried in a marsh near the banks of the Crying Papoose River.

For over 80 years historical groups have searched for the infamous canoe, that Chief Sitting Bull used to take his young squaw bride, Woman-That-Crushes-Maize-With-Her-Hooha, on a 37-mile river excursion back in September of 1864.

The group has verified that the canoe is in fact the famous “Wedding Canoe” through DNA that was found on a feather that belonged to Sitting Bull’s wedding headdress.

Miss Fresno, who is presently estranged from her husband, also stated that she had heard that since the great Sioux chief was dyslexic, and not at all fluent in English, that Sitting, as his Aunt Horny Horse, called him, used to write his initials backwards (BS) instead of (SB).

She explained that the canoe had his initials carved into the left front side of the wood bark. Her team also found scribblings on the floor of the canoe that read “Custer Sucks” or actually “Sucks Custer.”

SIDENOTE: The canoe was loaded onto a flat bed U-Haul truck, and it will eventually end up in the Wigwam, War Whoops, & Wampum Indian Museum in Indianola, Iowa.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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