DENVER – (Satire News) – Plexiglass has just become like asphalt – everywhere you look you see it.
You see it in fast food restaurants, retail stores, movie theaters, grocery stores, and even in adult sex toy shops.
iRumors is reporting that a homeless man in Denver, Tylin Bernard 47, took his life savings ($70) last March, and purchased 1,000 shares in The Rocky Mountain Plexo Plexiglass Company at 7 cents a share.
And today, since every business in the entire nation is buying plexiglass in order to separate their employees from the customers, the price per share has gone up to $1,213.00, meaning that Mr. Bernard's shares are now worth an astounding $1,213,000!
Tylin told Vodka Vermicelli with iRumors that now when he goes to McDonalds, he can supersize the fries and the drink.
He also said that he no longer goes around collecting empty bottles of water, copper, or string.
SIDENOTE: Miss Vermicelli reports that Tylin Bernard has just bought a beautiful home, a 2022 Lexus, and he is currently dating one of the Denver Broncos cheerleaders Susie Rappaport, 24.