God Announces Recall of Bald, Drunk Britney Spears

Written by kgramone

Tuesday, 20 February 2007

image for God Announces Recall of Bald, Drunk Britney Spears
If you return your Britney Spears, you can get a suitable replacement that isn't a drunken slut.

In a prepared statement, God has announced a recall of Britney Spears, in light of her recent escapades - from drunken partying to her on-again, off-again rehab, to publicly shaving her head.

"I am hereby recalling Britney Spears," He said, "as she clearly is defective and should never have been released to market."

This shocking recall follows similar recalls by Oscar Mayer and Peter Pan, although those recalls were due to fears of disease outbreak potentially caused by tainted food products. The Spears recall is because, "she's just not a healthy specimen," God said.

"Clearly there are destructive tendencies at work here," God said in His statement. "This white-trash bimbo farts in the bath and suddenly it's making world headlines. I never intended this at all when I created her. People find it interesting that she gets drunk and passes out? They think it's news when she shaves her head? Look online or watch reality TV -- this isn't anything special."

God also noted, "There was consideration of recalling every mouth-breathing dolt who looks to Britney Spears as someone to worship; however, that would have taken quite a lot of time and would have practically wiped out the female population ages 11-24 on most English-speaking continents."

The statement concluded, "If you have a Britney Spears, you can take her to your local house of worship for a full refund."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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