Next James Bond Could Be Mixed-Race Transgenderist With One Leg And A Lisp

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 7 November 2020

image for Next James Bond Could Be Mixed-Race Transgenderist With One Leg And A Lisp
Bond's wheelchair would, naturally, be equipped with a rocket launcher

After the stunning news, this week, that the new James Bond is both black and female in the form of Lashana Lynch, it's been revealed that producers are already looking to the future, and will break down even more boundaries next time around.

Having broken tradition by departing from the white male 007, it has come as a great shock to fans that James might well become Jamelia or Jemima, but even worse is to come.

Lynch having been signed up for only one movie, 'No Time To Die', executives are already scouting around the Transgender community for a gender-bending freak with rainbow-colored hair, dungarees, and a psychedelic outlook who 'swings both ways'.

It was important, say those in charge, that Bond lost his sexist, macho, dominant-over-women attitude, and reflected the mood of the times. That is set to continue, no matter how camp the superspy gets.

We can expect to see Ian Fleming's hero smoking a spliff with a flower in his hair, whilst holding hands with men during an LGBTQ march. It's also thought the actor could come from an ethnic minority background, and be renamed Jamal Bond.

To be totally inclusive, it's been suggested that Bond might be wheelchair-bound, have only one leg, and might have a speaking impediment, such as a lisp.

But it's been denied that producers would go as far as allowing Bond to have ginger hair. One said:

"That would be ridiculous!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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