Robert Plant reveals truth behind lyrics of 'Stairway to Heaven'

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Monday, 12 October 2020

image for Robert Plant reveals truth behind lyrics of 'Stairway to Heaven'
It was a very good year; the year that Robert Plant sat stoned out of his brains on Victoria Station; Pure Heaven!

Led Zeppelin legend Robert Plant has now told the truth behind their classic song, 'Stairway to Heaven': he was stoned out of his brains sitting on Victoria railway station, waiting for a train, when he clocked a timetable with the title:

Next Train To Devon!

Accompanied by the following text:

There's a train heading west
Because west is the best
So, purchase your 'Ticket to Devon'
When you get there you'll know
Because Torquay's a stones throw
From a beach made in heaven
And that's what you came for
So, so, so, please buy a train-ticket to Devon

There's a sign on the wall
Timetable and all
Because BR trains sometimes have delays
Through a tree on the rails
Or slippery leaves too,
So, let the alarm bell ring
Because mostly our services can be misgiving

Ooh, and it makes BR wonder
Ooh, and it makes BR wonder

There's a feeling we get
On our train's heading west
After the whistle blows for leaving
Will our passengers be happy or seething?
Puffs of smoke once rose up through the trees
Times of steamy locomotives were 'Bees-Knees'

Ooh, and it makes BR wonder
Ooh, and it really makes BR wonder

Diesel locomotives now call the tune
And electric ones will lead us to ruin
But a new day will dawn
For those who can stand long
And the gangways will not echo with laughter
If there's a bustle for a seat in your row
Don't be alarmed now
It's just a temporary blip by Branson & Co

Yes, there are two trains you can go by
But in the long run
There's still time to change the one you're on

And it makes BR wonder

Your head is humming but it still won't go
In case you don't know
Our driver's still drunk
and the ticket-collector joined him
Dear passenger, can you hear the wind blow?
And did you know
Your Railway to Devon has just caved in

If we cancel our trains, you can go by road
Our buses are better than trains, but slow
So, walk to the bus stop and we'll let you know
What time the bus leaves, or if it will show
Still everything may still turn to gold

And if you listen very hard
The train will come to you at last
You will all get their fast
Because a trip to the west is surely the best
So, please get on board our 'Next Train to Devon!'

Robert Plant told Jimmy Page about his 'surreal experience' on Victoria Station, so they changed the lyrics. Then Jimmy found Satan and Robert 'tripped' all the way to heaven!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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