Gwyneth's Goop sells out

Thursday, 13 February 2020

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Little did she know that when she visited her doctor to enquire about a vaginal odour, Gwyneth Paltrow would unleash the best-selling new perfume of the year.

"Dr" Colin Reepy is Paltrow's personal physician and a part-time entrepreneur, so when she walked into his office bearing an overripe yak cheese, cooing "My vagina smells like this", he saw the business opportunity immediately.

The perfume, imaginatively titled "My vagina smells like this", has sold millions. It has been praised as a scent, an appetite-enhancer, and even as a badger-repellent.

Other celebrities have thrust themselves onto the crotch-smell product bandwagon. Earlier this year Kim Kardashian released a "taste of my ass" perfume, which smells like lavender and bleach. She later added a line of scented pillows, so her fans can discover what it feels like to eat her actual ass.

George Clooney has also released a product called "my prepuce aroma". It is a classy aftershave, reminiscent of old, worn leather encrusted with barnacles.

Meanwhile, Paltrow is still waiting to hear a diagnosis about her unusual downstairs whiff.

"I'm very glad that so many people are helping to find out what it is. But I really shouldn't have fucked that manatee."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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