Sir Paul Caught on Video Attempting to Buy Pot

Written by P.J. Maggitti

Friday, 25 October 2019

image for Sir Paul Caught on Video Attempting to Buy Pot
The Paul McCartney model herbal concentrate vaporizer

WINGHAM, near Sandwich, Kent, England—A potentially embarrassing iPhone 10 video in which Paul McCartney is seen attempting to buy marijuana in the rural village of Wingham, Kent, is in the sweaty hands of local authorities. Those of you who haven't vaped your brains out completely yet, may recall that, nearly four-and-a-half years ago, the terminally-unhip McCartney declared that he had quit smoking weed because he didn't want to set a bad example for his children and grandchildren. (Editor's note: If he really wanted to stop setting a bad example for his git, he'd quit making such dreadful music.)

In the video, which was taken by a weather cam atop the Wingham Popeye's Chicken, McCartney is signaling from a taxi to an unseen person or persons on the main thoroughfare in delightfully pastoral Wingham, located six miles east of Canterbury on the A257 Canterbury to Sandwich Road.

"When he got into my taxi, he didn't give me an address or a destination," said Kevin O'Leary, whom Wingham police were able to identify as the driver of the taxi after viewing the weather cam footage.

"He handed me four £20 notes and asked me to drive him around the village," O'Leary continued. "He mumbled something about having been there with his wife on holiday once. He didn't say whether it was the one who died or the one who had a wooden leg."

After a few minutes, McCartney began behaving strangely, said O'Leary. "He was just sitting in the back humming a treacly tune when suddenly he rolled down the window and began signaling to someone on the street. He had one hand on top of his head and was waving his other hand."

Not content with the sound of one hand waving, the ex-Wing began asking if anyone knew where his friend Mary Jane lived. Several persons who recognized McCartney and waved back were startled when he shouted at them, "Is it 4:20 yet?"

Although O'Leary didn't attach any significance to McMartney's behaviour, local constable, Geoff Mills, did. "I've seen almost identical footage of George Michael cruising through Wingham once," said Constable Mills. "Later, we found him slumped over the wheel of his car. The vehicle reeked of cannabis, and after we had revived Mr. Michael and his companion, they told us that Wingham is a popular destination for wealthy London celebrities and their rent boys looking to purchase cannabis. I guess Kent isn't known as the Garden of England for nothing."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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