Highlights of Preliminary Film Project, Rambo VI: Peace and Calm

Funny story written by C/L

Monday, 23 September 2019

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This critic hopes that we have seen the last of these shitty films!

Plot summary: After 2019's boring and predictable unveiling of Rambo V: Last Blood, an anonymous industry spokesperson stated that it will be followed up next year with the sixth instalment in the film franchise, entitled Rambo VI: Peace and Calm.

In a refreshing twist on this violent and tedious action movie franchise, we follow John Rambo after the stupifying events of Last Blood in his now peaceful and monotonous life.

Upon conclusion of the "riveting" opening scene, where Rambo sells his late father's ranch for a tidy twenty-three million dollars, to a sweet young Silicone Valley mogul and her adoring family, we follow Rambo into his comfortable retirement in Palm Springs.

The audience is treated to an "edge-of-your-seat" montage of Rambo going through the process of becoming an Uber driver, and frustratingly shopping around on the internet for Medi-Gap insurance providers.

Rambo comes to grips with his violent past, as he engages in an act of humbling atonement by helping to create an international college fund for the children of all of the soldiers he's ever killed.

Peace and Calm is not without romance! Rambo falls in love with a beautiful, yet emotionally disturbed, former women's MMA fighter, "Iron-Fists Donna", played by Ronda Rousey. After meeting "Iron-Fists" in his anger management therapy group, Rambo helps her to overcome her addiction to self-cutting, losing her temper with her neighbors, and vandalizing their property.

Audiences will love the ''nail-biting" chase sequence, as we slowly and painfully follow Rambo through a Wal-Mart parking lot, set to a riveting horn-filled action-passage from the orchestra, into an adjacent mini-mall where he laboriously disembarks his snail-like scooter. There he confronts 'The Dude', played by Jeff Bridges, in a small marijuana dispensary.

The orchestra's string section brings the audience to a spine-chilling crescendo, as Rambo confronts 'The Dude' over parking his "piece-of-shit" car illegally in his reserved spot at the bowling alley. 'Walter Sobchak', played by John Goodman, sneaks up from behind and knocks out Rambo with a powerful left-hook.

The Dude and Walter close out the film as we pan-back, watching them drink beers, smoke pot, and bowl.

All in all, Rambo VI: Peace and Calm was a boring let down. Out of all of the Rambo films in the franchise, it stunk the least. This critic hopes that we have seen the last of these shitty films!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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