Most of Mark Ronson's partners admit to being sapio-averse

Funny story written by Jas Guipe

Friday, 20 September 2019

image for Most of Mark Ronson's partners admit to being sapio-averse

On a recent episode of Good Morning Britain, music producer Mark Ronson came out of the closet as a sapiosexual. A stunned public applauded the hitmaker for his bravery, and for bringing awareness to a sexual identity relatively unknown to most. Apparently, sapiosexuality was also unknown to Ronson who learned of it mere moments before his announcement.

A sapiosexual is a person sexually attracted to intelligence and the human mind. The sapiosexual will often prefer intellect over other characteristics like gender or physical beauty. Fortunately for Ronson, the brains he desires often come wrapped in the bodies of French models or other gorgeous women.

Most of Ronson’s former partners admit to being a bit shocked by the announcement. “I like to think I have pretty good sapio-radar,” said one former girlfriend, “but I never would have guessed Mark is sapio. Although, I did once catch him pleasuring himself to a Journal of Astronomy and Astrophysics.”

The attraction wasn’t entirely mutual for many of Ronson’s former lovers. “When it comes to Mark, I have to admit to being a bit sapio-averse. I mean, come on, the music isn’t exactly Bach or Beethoven. He has a good ear for pop songs, but beyond that he’s a bit dense.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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