In a modern day version of parable, Jonah and the Whale, young satirist, Buck E. Filbert was thrown overboard today by fellow satirist's, "Gnarly Eric" and "Queen Mudder". After being tossed into an angry ocean, Britney Spear's vagina came up out of the water and swallowed the young writer.
God had apparently sent the vagina because He was angry with Filbert for all the attention he brought to it and made the vagina hold the young writer for three days and three nights along with other Hollywood, plankton paparazzi, before letting everyone go.
Herman Melville's ghost writer, who happened to be on his schooner fishing and saw the drama, picked up his pen and began furiously revising Moby Dick and the line, "tis better to sleep with a sober cannibal than with a drinking Christian," became "tis better to write with a dry wit and wick and dip it temporarily, than it is to live inside a suffocating and giant, wet vagina."
The satirist, known for his articles, "Vaginaless Britney Spears gets booed at a Lakers Game," "Britney Spear's Vagina Speaks Out On Vulva Abuse" and other news about tinsel town's brightest began to worry for his soul and sent a letter by fish to the surface where it was picked up by a seagull and flown to the "craggy cliffs of Spoofland" where it was read by fellow Spoof writers.
"I'm trapped inside of Britney Spear's vagina," the young writer wrote, "and I can't get out." The letter was also reported to have repentantly asked fellow Spoofers if they had ever "whored themselves for eyeballs?"
"Save yourself Filbert," was the resounding call. "Get out of there before you die! There's not enough oxygen!"
1 Then Filbert prayed unto the LORD his God out of the giant vagina,
2 And said, I cried by reason of mine affliction unto the LORD, and he heard me; out of the vagina cried I, and thou heardest my voice inside a great beast.
3 For thou hadst cast me into the deepest hole, in the midst of the seas; and the floods? all thy billows and thy waves passed over me inside the giant whore.
4 Then I said, I am cast out of thy sight; yet I will look again toward thy holy temple.
5 The waters compassed me about, even to the soul: the depth closed me round about, the weeds were wrapped about my head inside the giant vagina.
After three days and nights of prayer and repentance, Filbert was released from the hold of the giant vagina and was made to promise never to write about it again. He was also made to promise to leave tinsel town and never look back, that town with the stolid reputation of people "spending money they don't have on things they don't need to impress people they don't like."
