Death Star Onion Explodes; Cyberspace Smells Like A Giant Onion

Written by King David

Friday, 29 December 2006

image for Death Star Onion Explodes; Cyberspace Smells Like A Giant Onion
Asstronauts Circling Uranus Report Hearing Sonic Blast; Can't Understand Why Space Smells Like An Onion

In striking news today, loud music was heard apparently after a great explosion in cyberspace that rocked the galaxy far and wide. The music playing was identified as the song of an old, 70's British Rock Band named The Kinks, one of only a few rock bands to maintain a sense of humor and actually write songs that are funny. The song heard after the great explosion was "Catch Me Now I'm Falling."

Apparently, the promise of Captain King David that the Death Star Onion would be obliterated has come true. About a month ago, the mercurial and outspoken captain predicted the disintegration of the Death Star Onion by Socialist Coalition forces working for the unmitigated and unquestioned authority of freedom in cyberspace.

It was believed that the satire cite known as "The Onion" was too capitalist and pedigreed to be allowed to survive in the satire world and ought to be put out of its torturous and sanctimonious misery.

"Something that ugly ought to be shot," said Gnarly E. who was back (after looking at pictures in girlie magazines) in Spoofland fighting for freedom and the forces of socialism.

Gnarly E. was reported to have said, "This victory will go down in the history of satire as being one of the greatest."

That's saying an awful lot especially since there have been so many great satiric battles fought.

Here is our list:

  • Jonathan Swift vs 18th Century Whigs
  • Jonathan Swift vs The English Tories
  • Jonathan Swift vs himself
  • Evelyn Waugh vs American and European death system
  • John Cleese and Terry Gilliam vs The world
  • Monty Python's Flying Circus vs Gravity
  • Sacha Baron Cohen vs America and Israel
  • Voltaire vs The government of France
  • Voltaire vs The Christian Church
  • Voltaire vs convention in marriage
  • Harry Golden and HL Mechken vs The American Middle Class
  • Voltaire vs achieving sure social status as a lawyer
  • John Cleese vs achieving sure social status as a lawyer
  • Sacha Baron Cohen vs achieving sure social status as a lawyer
  • George Orwell vs totalitarianism and the Western hemisphere

  • And The Earl of Rochester, John Wilmot vs heterosexuality

In other news today, asstronauts circling Uranus reported hearing a sonic blast and cannot understand why space smells like a giant Onion.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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