It was reported today that Spoof writer "King David" was concerned with the amount of literalism in reference to the site's "image gallery" which other writer's don't feel has enough variety and has been under scrutiny lately.
Commenting on Armedus Chunsky's recent article, "A Comprehensive Search Of The Spoof's Image Gallery Yields No Results" David feels that Chunsky could get the magazine into a lot of trouble.
"What Chunsky fails to mention," says the writer, "is that the female he was referring to in his article (who began drawing pictures on her own computer of an image that would be more appropriate for her story) was Asia Babe and her story about the Pope being allowed to perform cunnilingus and receive oral sex."
David feels that it would be an egregious error and furthermore out of the boundaries of [spoof]The Spoof mission statement to allow such images to be shown on the family website.
Furthermore, David feels these writer's arguments, although making a clear and valid point, are a little misguided and might be contributing to the bastardization and dilution of the written word.
"We don't know what long-term effects that having the perfect image will have on these writers," David said, "or reader's for that matter."
It has been brought up in the writer's own mind, however, that having the perfect image might actually have a watering down effect and take away from their actual story and reader's ability to imagine.
"Literalism we do know," said the writer, "has been linked to boredom and couch potatoism as well as Christian and Zionist fundamentalism, basically all the "isms" (including orgasms at the wrong time) and many of the rest of the world's major problems right now."
To support, David brought up the case of viewing pornography, or even violence. Eventually, after one has viewed so much of it, ones senses become numb and it becomes increasingly more difficult to feel anything, arousal or even discomfort. This is all based on research the writer adds.
"What do you think that does to your sex drive?" the writer asked.
Experts feel the same way David does and say that a writer's over- dependence on image could be used as a "crutch" and cripple the imagination of a reader in an otherwise well-written story that could have used more editing, or another run through with the spell-check. David also feared the possibility of the writer growing another leg for support.
Professor Sigmund Soda, expert on unbastardized forms of the English language, commented that the argument may be as simple as "old school" vs "new school" writers, or Harbrace Grammar Edition vs post Harbrace and the internet.
"New school writers have had the advantage of added technology that the old school writer's did not have. They know how to use image software with the accuracy of a knife, and, having grown up with image software like a brother can evoke powers of the Force in a milli-second.
An old school writer like David would get lost in a photo shop and probably chop all his fingers off, from then on having to depend on scribes to copy down his dictations, setting the regal writer back even farther on the technological scale to a time when buzzards ate the entrails of Greek heroes chained to rocks on the sides of mountains as punishment by the gods.
And, yes, David admits with his shortfalls that this may be a case of "ignorance is bliss" on his part, but given the writer's age (43) he realizes that it's getting to around the half way point (if he's fortunate and doesn't get chained to side of a mountain) and that he'd better chose what to do with his time very carefully. Learning another software package is about the last thing that he wants to do.
"I got out of technical writing for a reason," the writer was reported as saying.
In addition, writer David brings up the point of subtlety and ironic misdirection as actually one of the tenants of great, poetic satire. When one has a picture that is not perfectly related to the story it has the effect of bringing in more to the story than the original, intended result, sort of a "shotgun" approach whereas an exact image would limit it.
Writer David wants you to know that any concerns or comments that readers may have about this issue may be taken up with Spoof administrators and editorial staff, or discussed in other articles on The Spoof, but not directly with the writer.
In other news today, a North Carolina man chops down all the trees in his yard and shoots all the squirrels. Quoted as saying: "Well, in Genesis I read that man has dominion over all the plants and animals. I can do what I damn well please."
