Written by Gringo Lobos

Thursday, 9 November 2017

image for Wacko Jacko 2.0 gives the Melbourne Cup Birdcage a good lickin'
God these anitpodean hobbits are totally boring - Why doesn't anyone want to party?

Invited by Myers as a Melbourne Cup Style Ambassador she soon found the exclusive Birdcage decor not to her liking and set about giving it a good licking to make herself feel more comfortable.

However the Aussies in their predictable pubescent whining have gone into mass hysteria about her non compliance with Melbourne Cup Day decorum. They say while drinking like a bogan, throwing up on other patrons, crawling around the ground, crawling and throwing up simultaneously, half naked fornicating, hard core brat spats and throwing up in someones hat is OK - making unendorsed tongue movements on a window is just too far from the norm.

The country has gone into social media meltdown with many public services cancelled with employees calling in too distressed to go to work. Today it was mentioned in parliament with rumors of hard core legislation to stop this degradation of decent Australian values by visiting D-List celebrities. Several Foreign politicians in the liberal party are said to be outraged that visiting celebrity foreigners can get away with window licking and yet they are being dismissed from parliament just because they are a foreign national.

Immigration have said to have cancelled her exit visa and she will be arrested by the balaclava goon squad and sent to Australia's version of Guantanamo Bay, the Barrier Reef Tourist Islands. However upon hearing this the commander of Gittmo was outraged claiming his string of high class hotels offered far better services and treated customers much better than that mob (Aus vernacular for a pack of losers). They complained that the comparison is unfair.

She will be held while the country votes on a Death by Hanging referendum. In the meantime, she will be held in a specially designed lick proof glass cell. In future all Race Day marques windows will have to have mandatory Do Not Lick Here signs. As well as patrols by Balaclava Goons with automatic weapons as special Window Lickin' Police.

Her defense lawyers say is all blown out of proportion by these inferior antipodean hobbits and all she was trying to do was watch the dumb horse race. All you grubby little basket weavers should clean your windows and not expect celebrities to have to clean your windows just so they can watch some boring horse race.

Both Jack Sparrow and the dog smuggler girl he used to hang out with have offered to record an apology video on Wackos behalf. But she refused stating that the windows felt much nicer since she was forced to give them a good lickin' and she would stand up for her celebrity rights. The celebrity statute clearly states than any aberrant behavior is to be excused and imitated, especially if it starts a twitter twatter meme.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Paris jackson




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