Man Shags Susan Boyle In Major Random Act of Kindness

Funny story written by Jack Allen

Wednesday, 30 April 2014

image for Man Shags Susan Boyle In Major Random Act of Kindness
You can scrub a table, but you can't scrub the memories away

An average looking man has reportedly carried out the ultimate random act of kindness by having sexual intercourse with Susan Boyle at her most recent gig.

The breaking of Boyle's walls is the most recent in a long line of random acts of kindness to go viral online, even with the event not being recorded, relieving the general public in a very different manner. However, a picture of a satisfied Susan, smoking a Cuban cigar on her dressing room table has been circulating social media over the past few hours.

The 'Daddy of Gandhi', as some have already dubbed the generous man, has been identified as 45 year old Matt Stick, who was working as a backstage runner at Susan's gig. Matt has since stated that Susan Boyle has received "so much crap" over the years that he decided to be a gentleman to her. This led to an overwhelming sense of guilt building up within him that led to the kindest act on record occurring. "I just felt so bad for her, so I went the whole hog. Bareback and everything!"

Some online critics have stated that this particular random act of kindness could signal an early peak for the popular movement, as it could prove difficult for anyone to be kinder than a man who pops the cherry of a 53 year old woman who resembles an overweight, hairier version of Adrian Chiles. However, rumours surrounding an 'accidental push' of BNP leader Nick Griffiin into the M6, although unsubstantiated at this time, would easily usurp someone banging a Scottish virgin.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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