Donald Rumsfeld Quits to Look After Britney Spears' Dogs

Written by Felix Minderbinder

Thursday, 9 November 2006

image for Donald Rumsfeld Quits to Look After Britney Spears' Dogs
Spears files for divorce

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - In a surprise move, US Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, 74, has resigned "in order to look after the dogs" of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline during their messy divorce proceedings.

The two-year marriage finally broke down in the last few days when Spears filed for divorce citing "irreconcilable differences."

President George Bush said that Rumsfeld "had served his country with distinction as Defense Secretary, and now I'm sure he will look after those dogs with distinction too. I'm sure that grooming dogs and walking dogs will be more in keeping with Rumsfeld's abilities and intellect."

Rumsfeld had been increasingly under fire for his disasterous command of the Pentagon and the US armed forces and his questionable conduct of the immoral wars in Afghanistan and Iraq.

A military newspaper recently stated, "Rumsfeld has lost credibility with the uniformed leadership, with the troops, with Congress and with the public at large. His strategy has failed, and his ability to lead is compromised. And although the blame for our failures in Iraq rests with the secretary, it will be the troops who bear its brunt."

The announcement that Rumsfeld is now looking after the former couple's dogs "came as a total shock" said a friend of Federline. "We are hoping that Rumsfeld won't do anything warlike with those nice animals."

Federline has been looking "pretty depressed" lately said a press agent.

Spears meanwhile is looking "pretty happy" at the prospect of the divorce and appeared on the David Letterman show looking chic and wearing a short black dress and blonde bob.

Spears then went from the Ed Sullivan Theater in Manhattan to Sony Studios where she faxed her signature to the Los Angeles lawyers handling her divorce, who then filed divorce papers at the L.A. county superior court on November 7.

Federline has moved out and has been staying with friends in the San Fernando Valley.

Spears and Federline have two sons, Sean Preston, age 1, and Jayden James who was born on September 12.

Rumsfeld said that he "always wanted to do something really useful for a change and tending those really nice dogs during this important celebrity divorce is it."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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