Written by Felix Minderbinder

Tuesday, 24 October 2006

image for Results of "Congressional Sexual Pleasure" Survey Released
Sex under the Dome

WASHINGTON (AP)--A psychosexual research study by the University of Maryland into sexual pleasure among senior Republican members of Congress and in the White House has found "a truly amazing degree of sexual activity" among the anonymous participants who answered the multi-page questionnaire.

Most of the participants were between the ages of 35 and 55. Some of the more salient findings were:

Like to use sex toys alone: 58 percent

Like to use sex toys with a partner: 55 percent

Like to chat with pages: 89 percent

Prefer sex with younger people: 79 percent

Comfortable initiating sex: 90 percent

Enjoy masturbating to orgasm: 82 percent

Use the Congressional Internet service for sex: 96 percent

Use the White House Internet service for sex: 95 percent

Do not feel guilty about masturbation: 91 percent

Has sex four or five times per week: 77 percent

Finds fantasizing about sex to be arousing: 93 percent

Prefers sex play to other duties: 99 percent

The final report noted that "This is a group of people confident about sex, and interested in exploring sexual pleasure both alone and with many other partners. Just look at how comfortable these 500+ people are with sex."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Sex, Congress

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