Written by President Bush

Friday, 22 September 2006

image for Donald Rumsfeld to be Shot out of a Cannon
Rumsfeld, Rehearsing

D.C. -- In a daring show of support and solidarity for our troops Donald Rumsfeld agreed to get SHOT out of a cannon over the edge of a U.S. Naval aircraft carrier into the middle of the Red Sea next week. Surprisingly many members of Congress support Rumsfeld's plan to get shot out of a cannon into the sea even though some Senate members, perhaps jokingly say that they'd rather see President Bush shot out of a cannon into the middle of a brick wall instead.

Rumsfeld, never having been, like many Americans, officially "shot out of a cannon before" is now practicing, on tour with the Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey Circus. Just last night at the performance in Denver Rumsfeld was shot out
of a cannon into a net full of baby Koala Bears. When asked by reporters,

"Why baby Koala Bears"

Rumsfeld said that he was practicing first among cute little safe little Gummy Bear type creatures just in case during the REAL cannon shot, into the Red Sea, he splashed into the middle of a swarm of killer razor toothed Demon sharks just looking for trouble.

Some Americans, particular Mrs Rumsfeld, Mr Rumsfeld's State Farm life insurance agent and even God Himself are reluctant to endorse the rather daring cannon shot scheduled for next Thursday off the edge of the U.S.S. aircraft carrier Yorktown.

History notes that the last time any government official was physically shot out of an actual cannon was back in 1866 after the Civil War when the then Secretary of the Treasury Aaron Maltz downed one too many pints of "Tipsy Leprechaun" pure Irish Whiskey at the President's ball and wound up lodged in an Oak tree on the White House lawn for three days until President Andrew Johnson finally went out and cut him down.

Unconfirmed sources say that if Secretary Rumsfeld survives getting shot out of a cannon into the Red Sea his next stunt designed to bolster troop morale will be to stumble off the edge of the Empire State Building with an armful of baby Koala bears and plunge 102 stories into a giant vat of "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" butter.

"Now THAT trick would bolster my morale you betcha" one unnamed U.S. Marine noted adding, "I'd pay good money to see that one."

Pentagon officials deny rumors that Secretary Rumsfeld has a 'thing' for baby Koala bears .... or "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter", butter.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
45 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more