On Heels of Michael Bay 'Armageddon' Apology Comes Greater Apology From the Woman Who Birthed Michael Bay

Funny story written by E. Lee Zimmerman

Tuesday, 23 April 2013

HOLLYWOOD, CA - On the heels of controversial director Michael Bay apologizing for making his oft-maligned science fiction 'epic' - "Armageddon" (Touchstone Pictures, 1998) - now Bay's mother is following in her son's footsteps by announcing her expression of regret to the world for birthing her son, Michael.

"I cannot offer words strong enough in my appeal to the good graces of mankind," stated Shakira Bay - Michael's mother - this morning from her palatial home in Brentwood, California. "While it brings little solace to so many others, I can only repeat a simple truism: we all make mistakes. Mine has disappointingly enhanced the box office careers and credibility of such 'talents' as Shia LaBeouf, Scarlett Johansson, and Martin Lawrence … and, for that, I am deeply, deeply sorry."

Her son - Michael Bay - has participated in the planning, directing, and production of several Hollywood blockbusters, most notably the "Transformers" and "Bad Boys" franchises. Bay's background that earned him the chance to influence summer box office potential began in humbly shooting music videos as well as direct-to-home-video specials for Playboy. He went on to work on such motion pictures as Sean Connery's "The Rock" and Ben Affleck's "Pearl Harbor." Over the years, he's adamantly defended the bloated "Armageddon" as a realistic depiction of what space exploration would be like if accompanied by an Aerosmith-infused soundtrack, but he recently recanted, admitting that critics have properly labelled the film 'a cinematic turd' and 'what flatulence would look like if captured on film.'

"In light of Michael's epiphany and to honor the sentiment that every wrong deserved to be righted, I can only ask forgiveness for the films he's completed as well as the films he's yet to construct in the years ahead," Mama Bay continued. "I certainly didn't mean for my single, solitary discretion while hob-knobbing as a groupie for Rolling Stones to result in so much devastation. For that, I am truly sorry."

Director Bay was unavailable for comment. Calls to his representatives have gone unanswered.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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