Written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 17 March 2013

image for A List of 10 Updated Songs By The Rolling Stones
Mick Jagger recently purchased The Maid Marian Castle located near Warsop for £1 million [$1.5 million U.S.].

LONDON - The Rolling Stones have been rocking and rolling since 1962, and the elderly English lads show no signs of stopping or even tapering off.

Lead singer Mick Jagger and lead guitarist Keith Richards are both 69. The band's drummer Charlie Watts is 71, bass player Bill Wyman is 76, and rhythm guitarist Ron Wood is the baby of the group at 65.

During their 51 year career the Stones have played every venue from Iceland to Argentina and Lower Zamgola to Russia.

And as Mick Jagger recently told Calcutta Cotton with Music Moments Magazine in that half century they have seen every type of drug that has ever been developed.

He grinned and proudly added that the five members combined have slept with over 75,000 females.

Miss Cotton asked the British lads which of all their bed mates stood out the most.

Mick and Ron quickly replied that it would have to be Taffy "The Contortionist" Funstermund. Keith and Charlie said it was Glynis "Lips of Love" Murkowski. Bill thought for a moment, smiled, and answered that it would have to be Seattle's Satsuma twins, Lulu and Leslie.

The Rolling Stones recently went into a recording studio and took 10 of their hit songs and updated them to better represent their 51 years in the music business.

The title of the album is The Rolling Stones - Fast Forward To 2013.


  1. Walking Jack Flash
  2. Honky Tonk Grannies
  3. Brown Sugar Substitute
  4. Can You Hear Me Coughing?
  5. Get Off Of My Foot
  6. Lady Jane's Walking Cane
  7. Have You Seen Your Grandmother Baby, Standing In The Shadows?
  8. Tumbling Dice - Fallen Arches
  9. Can't You Hear Me Knocking My Knobby Knees Together?
  10. Gimme Viagra

NOTE: Two songs that did not make the album are "Paint It Black and Blue" and "Ruby Tuesday's Granny Knickers."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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