Cheryl Cole Says Simon Cowell Broke Her Heart and She Wants $2.3 Million

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Saturday, 8 December 2012

image for Cheryl Cole Says Simon Cowell Broke Her Heart and She Wants $2.3 Million
Cheryl Cole was recently named the World's Sexiest Woman by the Portuguese government. (Photo taken by Derek Hough).

LOS ANGELES - Cheryl Cole was back in the City of Angels and she is as mad as a She-Devil.

The British singer was one of the original judges on Simon Cowell's American version of the X-Factor.

But she was fired after a few shows due to the fact that she had such a strong Geordie accent that out of 27 million viewers only about 67 stated that they understood what she was saying.

According to Music Moments Magazine, who conducted the survey, the 67 X-Factor viewers who did understand her were all from England.

Twenty-six of the viewers were originally from London, 19 were former residents of Liverpool, 13 had lived in Manchester, 7 once resided in Little Sandhurst, and 2 were born in Fitzrovia.

The 29-year-old British singer, who seems to be one of those types of celebrities who is either adored or despised, was once married to English soccer player Ashley Cole who plays for Chelsea.

After she divorced Cole she began a torrid affair with Derek "The Dancing Dude" Hough, one of the pro dancers on Dancing With The Stars.

After breaking up with Hough, Chezza, as she is called by Queen Elizabeth, began going out with two members of the British band The Dandelion Bouquet, lead guitarist Rory Slaghoople and Desmond Bookerbox the drummer.

Cole has returned to the Left Coast and is seeking to collect $2.3 million that she says that Cowell's Black T-Shirt Production Company owes her.

She says that when Simon fired her he broke her heart and she has fallen to the depths of Depression 101 where she says not even Lindsay "The Loser" Lohan has been.

Cowell adamantly says that Miss Cole does not know what she is talking about and that it's probably due to the tons of make up which appear to have clouded her sense of reasoning.

Cole angrily replied that she is through talking to the man known as Sidesaddle Simon and she has secured the legal services of noted Los Angeles attorney Ginger Allred, who told the entertainment media that when she gets through with Mr. Cowell all that will be left will be one soiled black T-shirt.

SIDENOTE: The word on the streets of LaLaLand is that while Cheryl is in town she is staying at ex-boyfriend Derek Hough's Hollywood Hills mansion, Casa Cha Cha Cha.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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