Eva Longoria's tearful admission: My work with cold fusion was derivative

Funny story written by Jeff Brone

Tuesday, 23 October 2012

Actress Eva Longoria admitted yesterday that her work on cold fusion, highly praised by the scientific community, was "basically a rehash of a Belgian physicist's work done ten years ago" and isn't worth half the attention it's getting.

Speaking before a gathering in Stockholm, Longoria cited several concepts by electrochemist Stanley Pons as well as even a basic theory by Niels Bohr to undercut her work done on the cold fusion theory. She also added that her friend Scarlett Johansson told her that it probably wouldn't work "without a bigger box of ice."

Longoria said the admission was a difficult one to make, her "being a part time scientist and all," but was one that had to be made. Longoria added that she always thought that her work as an actress and political activist would be enough to satisfy her, but one day she was looking at one of those films about a nuclear reaction and thought "Hey, I wonder if I could do that at room temperature, you know, so the scientist people could be more comfortable?"

This led her to several theoretical excursions involving hydrogen, deuterium and Longoria explained "other particles which are really small." Longoria added that she really could hardly see any of the particles and this made it difficult for her as she is "a very sensual person, probably because of her childhood which didn't have enough hugs."

Longoria said she might have wanted to research next the Higgs Boson, or "God Particle," but didn't think it was right to force her religious beliefs on anyone.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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