Lady Gaga Ordered To Go On A Diet

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Saturday, 29 September 2012

image for Lady Gaga Ordered To Go On A Diet
Lady Gaga has gained 27½ pounds in the past 30 days. (Photo by Polo Del Matador).

CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico - Lady Gaga flew down to Mexico to get away from the persistent weight gain rumors that have been plaguing her for the past two weeks.

The New York songbird stayed at The Whole Enchilada Hotel & Spa in Cabo San Lucas.

A reporter with The Cabo San Lucas Morning Olé News, Polo Del Matador stated that Lady Gaga spent quite a bit of time putting away the Mango Margaritas and singing along with pianist Manolo "El Ivory Tickler" Telemundo, Jr. in the hotel's exquisite Pesos & Besos Cantina.

She sang Manolo's favorite song "La Bamba" and Eva Longoria's favorite song "La Macarena."

Many of the cantina patrons could be heard remarking how much weight Lady Gaga had gained. A close, inside, unnamed source revealed that in the past 30 days the singer has put on 27½ pounds and is beginning to resemble Kirstie Alley of Dancing With The Stars: The All-Stars.

Del Matador managed to sit down with Lady Ga for a few minutes and he asked her about her sudden weight gain. At first she appeared to be a bit taken back by the question.

But after taking four sips from her drink she told Del Matador that she was going to let him know why she has gained so much friggin weight (her word).

She said that lately she has been having doubts about her singing ability and as a result she has been eating like food is going out of style.

She stated that she has really been overindulging in some of her favorite foods including pasta, pizza, pancakes, and pretzels.

Lady Gaga added that she has also become semi-addicted to deep fried pickles, papaya pie, and pastrami pitas.

Del Toro asked if she is trying to do anything to stop her constant eating so she does not end up looking like a white version of Gabourey Sidibe.

She told him that she has been ordered by her doctor to stop eating foods that begin with the letter P.

SIDENOTE: Lady Gaga explained that she is going to adhere to her doctor's orders as soon as she returns to Los Angeles in five days.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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