The Film "Battleship" Sinks - Rihanna Is So Devastated It Is Affecting Her Singing Voice

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 21 May 2012

image for The Film "Battleship" Sinks - Rihanna Is So Devastated It Is Affecting Her Singing Voice
The USS Connecticut which in the movie portrayed the USS Massachusetts. (Photo by Britney Spears).

HOLLYWOOD - There wasn't an iceberg in sight but the blockbuster alien invasion naval action flick has capsized.

Luckily there were plenty of lifeboats on board and stars Rihanna, Brooklyn Decker, Liam Neeson, Kyle Kim Shimabukuro, Hyoe Joe Takahashi, and Dante Jimenez all managed to survive the motion picture box office disaster.

Even though the movie brought in $25 million at the weekend box office film critics are blaming the poor showing of Battleship on the fact that movie goers are still flocking to see The Avengers, Dark Shadows, and The Three Stooges.

The motion picture's tagline is "The Battle for Earth Begins at Sea," but in the interest of attracting more viewers perhaps the movie executives should have instead chosen the tagline "Kind of Like Transformers - But With Lots and Lots of Boats."

Pomona Vox with Silver Screen Magazine spoke with the film's star Rihanna who portrayed Petty Officer Cora "Weps" Raikes.

The Barbados songstress is still visibly upset that the movie did not do as good as individuals like Mitt Romney, Brett Favre, and even the infamous Time Magazine breastfeeding mom said that it would do.

Rihanna, who is only 24, blames herself for most of the bad reviews. When asked why she simply replied because everyone knows that she is a fantastically talented singer and she really has no business trying to act like the fabulously gifted Halle Berry.

She went on to say that she even told the film's director that she wanted to change the nickname of her character which was "Weps."

Ri-Ri, as Pee Wee Herman calls her, suggested that they change her nickname to a much sexier sounding nickname like "Booty," "Tata's," or even her favorite "Yummy Yum Yum."

Rihanna is very concerned because she is afraid that this traumatic experience may have an adverse affect on her singing voice. She noted that just before the interview she tried to hit a high F sharp and she only managed to hit a high D sharp.

SIDENOTE: The motion picture is based on the Milton Bradley board game Battleship. The word on the streets of Tinsel Town is that the plans for the sequel Hungry Hungry Hippos have been scrapped.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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