The Stars of 'The Vampire Diaries' Ian Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev Purchase The Vampire Sux Bar & Grill

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 9 February 2012

image for The Stars of 'The Vampire Diaries' Ian Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev Purchase The Vampire Sux Bar & Grill
The Vampire Sux Bar & Grill after it was remodeled in August of 2010. (Photo by Ron Paul).

HOUSTON - The stars of The Vampire Diaries, Ian Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev, have both realized what they say is a life long dream by becoming the owners of the infamous Vampire Sux Bar & Grill in downtown Houston.

Somerhalder told Pico de Gallo, a reporter for Tittle Tattle Tonight, that he and Dobrev purchased the nationally known restaurant from its owners the country band The Dixie Chicks for $13.1 million.

He noted that the trio of Natalie Maines, and sisters Emily Robison and Martie Maguire had owned the Vampire Sux Bar & Grill for a year and a half.

And ironically the Texas country band had purchased the restaurant back in July of 2010 from the stars of The Twilight series Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart.

So Ian stated that the Vampire Sux has a long history of being known as a celebrity establishment which has been frequented by such noted individuals as Lady Gaga, Steven Tyler, Betty White, Maksim Chmerkovskiy, Shakira, Aishwarya Rai, and Vice-President Joe Biden.

He informed Mr. de Gallo that he and Nina plan on keeping the vampire inspired motif complete with vampire glow-in-the-dark fangs, hanging bats, vampire cloaks, garlic clusters, a huge vampire piƱata, and several vampire footballs.

Ian remarked that they also plan on expanding the band stand and hope to book some popular Texas based bands such as Willie Nelson and ZZ Top.

Nina divulged that they will be increasing the menu items and will of course continue serving the standard crowd favorites such as Old-Fashioned Texas-Style Barbecue Burgers, Armadillo Ribs Sauteed in Lone Star Beer, Wild Javelina (Boar) Meatballs Marinated in Jose Cuervo Tequila, Pancho Villa Enchiladas Smothered in Dos Equis Cerveza, and Rattlesnake Tenders Basted in Southern Comfort.

Ian emphasized the fact that for the non-imbibers the Vampire Sux will offer a non-alcoholic food menu featuring popular Wild West items such as Billy The Kid Pizza, Jesse James Hot Dogs, Pancho Villa Sweet & Sour Tamales, and Sam Bass Bass Brisket.

SIDENOTE: Somerhalder informed Tittle Tattle Tonight that he and Dobrev are hoping to eventually open up a Vampire Sux Bar & Grill in Beverly Hills.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more