BEVERLY HILLS - Kim Kardashian was getting her nails done at the Haven of Hair Salon when she was asked how she was holding up with the circus spectacle of her divorce from NBA player Kris Humphries.
Kim replied that she has really taken it hard, but that she is a Kardashian and the Kardashian's are a strong people who originally came to America from Armenia on little rafts made from discarded cardboard, Popsicle sticks, tongue depressors, and Lincoln Logs.
She said that she still vividly recalls how some of her cousins were so poor that they wore dresses fashioned out of newspapers, shoes made from used tires, and underwear hand sewn out of breakfast cereal boxes.
The salon owner and long time family friend FuFi Fondue asked her if now that her 72-day marriage to Krissy (Humphries) was over if there was a certain someone in her life.
Kim blushed, turning as red as a San Francisco fire truck, and remarked that there kinda, sorta was. FuFi told her to be more specific and that she knew that she could trust him.
He then reminded her that he had never told anyone her secret about the cute, little, funny sounds that her G-spot can make just by her sticking out her tongue as far as it will go while gently pushing on her belly button at the same time.
Kim giggled as she took a sip of her Mandarin Margarita. She whispered to FuFi that lately she has found herself, late at night mostly, fantasizing about doing the horizontal hokey pokey with her ex-boyfriend, Miami Dolphins running back Reggie Bush.
"No." FuFi said all flustered and giddy.
"Yes." Kim replied.
"No."
Kim got a little annoyed, "Look here sissy boy, I said yes, so don't you be saying 'No' like you know because you do not no since I just told you."
"I know. I know." Fondue said as he took a sip of his Diet Shirley Temple.
Kim made him swear on his favorite lipstick that he would not tell a soul. FuFi promised.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: FuFi Fondue did not reveal Kim's secret. Her secret was revealed by a patron, identified as Sarasota "The Tongue" Jittermill, 42, who was sitting in the next salon chair at the time and who has exceptional hearing.]
