Angelina Jolie Is Very Depressed Because Brad Pitt Is Planning To Leave Her After The Christmas Holidays

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 13 December 2011


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image for Angelina Jolie Is Very Depressed Because Brad Pitt Is Planning To Leave Her After The Christmas Holidays
Angelina Jolie has a total of 13 tattoos. (Photo courtesy of Vice-President Joe Biden).

PROVENCE, France - Angelina Jolie, who many consider to be one of the world's most beautiful women and a talented actress has shown her weak side.

According to Gigi de Maupassant with France's Le News Agency Ms. Jolie has been acting extremely erratic lately.

De Maupassant spoke with one of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's nannies, who wished to remain anonymous, who informed her of the tremendous change in Jolie's personality.

The unnamed nanny whom de Maupassant referred to as Monique Croissant said that one day last week while Brad had taken all of the children to a local Mickey D's, Angie was seen laying out in her backyard by the pool and she was totally naked.

One of the gardeners went up to her and asked her if she would like for him to get one of the maids to bring her a towel so she could cover herself up since there were at least six gardeners working on the mansion grounds.

Jolie looked at him and asked, "Is it because you feel that my body is not as beautiful or as physically desirable or sexually appealing as it was several years ago?"

"Ah, no madam, not at all" replied the puzzled gardener.

"Well then is it because you think that my lips are starting to look utterly ridiculous from the many botox sessions and collagen implants that I have gotten lately?"

"Ah, no madam, I do not think that at all" the gardener answered feeling extremely uncomfortable.

Jolie then stood up, standing right in front of the gardener who was blushing so much he looked like a Toulouse tomato.

She asked him point blank if he felt that there was something wrong with her body and if he did to please point it out to her so that she could fix it and hopefully hold on to the love of her life Brad Pitt.

The gardener,, whom de Maupassant identified as Francois "Clippers" Chevalier, raised his eyebrows and asked Jolie if she was sure she wanted him to answer that question.

When told that she was sure Mr. Chevalier in a low voice remarked that as far as he was concerned her body was perfect. He then told her that a few months ago he had overheard Mr. Pitt telling his chauffeur that he was getting sick and tired of (Jolie's) tattoos and he was especially repulsed at the one of Daffy Duck that she had gotten tattooed on her labia majora.

Chevalier then added that he had heard Mr. Pitt say that he would probably be leaving her but not until after the Christmas holidays.

Jolie's eyes got the size of ping pong balls. "Mr. Pitt said that?" She asked.

The gardener nodded his head and told her that he really needed to get back to pruning the hedges and cross-pollinating the tulips.

FOLLOW UP: An extremely depressed Angelina Jolie did not tell Brad Pitt what their gardener had told her, but she did tell her hair stylist who revealed to Le News that in the two years that he has known Ms. Jolie that he has never seen her use such vulgar, vile, and vitriolic words while speaking about Mr. Pitt.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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