New Orleans McDonalds indicted

Funny story written by Richard Lucas

Saturday, 3 September 2005

image for New Orleans McDonalds indicted
food queues

"the citizens of New Orleans deserved better" stated Federal Prosecutors as they indicted McDonalds for failing to provide food and milkshakes in downtown New Orleans.

McDonalds claim that is was "not their job" to keep going while all normal civil functions of the state had collapsed, was dismissed as "callous punditry" by leading US politicians. "We politicians are busy with many issues at the present time,: we have a 1000 other things to worry about, and our core activities include managing large complex programmes for targetted groups and against our enemies. Next time this kind of thing happens we will have learned the lessons. We point the finger at
McDonalds- who do food and drink the whole time. if they cannot plan for disaster then who can? if NASA can get Americans into orbit and back in well built American made vehicles without fatalities most of the time, we politicians are there to take the credit. McDonalds should do fries and all that other stuff when we screw up. Why should the politicians take the flak when the Washington Adminstiration can point the finger at large unpopular corporations? Big companies are the natural scapegoat. We didn't organise Katrina. They should use their security guards to keep law and order, encourage every American to have a car, a second home, bury their dead on time, and make clear that it is not my fault if they don't. It makes me sick when Corporate America tries to blame the government for a lamentable lack of priortization. If people don't have water in the places we told them to go, they should have bought it with them, there was a flood wasn't there? and why cannot McDonalds make this kind of stuff available for free. We are looking for buses, they should solve the other stuff that bothers people. Its at times like this that we remind ourselves that American stands for people who can stand on their own two feet. If people have worked hard at school and have healthy diets they won't be in downtown New Orleans anyway.

Law firms are doing their bit to hold the country to account.

"They call their products "Happy Meals" while people suffer. Every burger they failed to provide is grounds for class action" commented Wall Street Law firm's partner on a satellite link to Monaco (noting that a full 1 cent for every $1000 of their billable minutes will be devoted to the fund for retired or imprisoned New Orleans lawyers). send us photos of closed McDonalds and we will help you get a share of compensation that we feel we can make out of this situation.

"This is going to be the biggest beanfeast in legal history, There aren't going to be any unemployed lawyers once the good hotels in New Orleans re open. We are going to get even richer. Its gonna be party time in the party city" commented a judge who did not want to give his name.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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