Oil Prices Rise to US$500/barrel

Funny story written by Inhopeless

Thursday, 25 November 2010

NEW YORK & LONDON - The NYSE and the FTSE have recorded a record price rise for liquid hydrocarbon solution, commonly known as oil.

Oil, which has been used for nearly 150 years to power automotive transportational units and human dwellings, has risen sharply in price from US$84 per barrel to nearly US$487 and rising.

The jump was caused by a computer malfunction, raised tensions within Iran and Iraq, and the news that the X-Factor is still going on.

Motorists across the world queued up for hours to get their fuel. The price of petrol at a petrol station in Birmingham jumped from £4.80/litre to £7.13 in ten minutes.

"This is essentially a Malthus curve," said Prof. Robert Hugo, referring to the 18th-century economist. "Instead here we substitute oil for food, as food production has in fact broken the Malthus curve, and there we go. Malthus predicted that the population would crash in mere months. Entering our new calculations into a formula, we predict society as we know it will collapse by 5.25.56PM next Tuesday, GMT, of course."

Already, politicians have attempted to catalyse the production of renewable, 'clean' energy, however, ironically, the fuel needed to deliver the parts is... fossil fuels, rendering renewable energy useless.

Several major national governments have collapsed already or declaring a DEFCON One status State of Emergency, due to being in heavy debt to Arabia. The United States, the UK, the EU, China and other industrialised/rapidly-industrialising nations have essentially descended into anarchy.

However, the entirety of the US has been bought by transnationalists, a merger group of various profitable companies, effectively turning the nation-state into a huge production line. Similar things have happened to Britain, China and others.

After this news, oil prices dropped to US$92/barrel. But of course, now it is too late.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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