Written by anthonyrosania

Tuesday, 10 August 2010

image for H&R Block Discover the Interwebs, Names Former eBay Executive to Board. --"This changes nothing," said H&R Block's CEO. "We'll still be bankrupt in a year."
H&R Block hit the "check balance" button, but threw away the printed slip before reading it.

Deflating corporate balloon H&R Block announced on Monday that it had elected a former eBay Inc. executive to its board.

"Apparently there is this network of computing machines," says the H&R Block CEO, who wishes to remain anonymous. "And people who have these machines can actually contact other people. And some a--hole figured out a way to have auctions on these computing machines!"

"It sounds innovative, but we won't hold that against him."

William R. Cobb served as president of the online auctioneer's U.S. marketplaces division. He also worked as general manager of eBay International, where he pioneered eBay's "Selling Of $3.00 Cell Phone Chargers Which, While Really Inexpensive, Are Made Of Garbage-Bag Grade Plastics and Ship From Hong Kong, Which Means It Takes Three Months To Receive Them" initiative, as well as their "We Sell Vibrators And Nipple Clamps, But You Can Only Get To Our Adult Section After You've Confirmed Your Age Forty-Three Times" sales campaign.

Prior to that was head of global marketing for eBay during his eight-year tenure with the company.

In 1980, H&R Block acquired CompuServe, the first major commercial online service in the United States. Not surpringly, under H&R Block rule, Compuserve failed to respond to competitors advances. By 1995, it was worth less than a pack of gum.

Previously Cobb held senior marketing positions with Tricon, whatever the hell that is. He probably ran it out of his garage.

In addition to H&R Block, Mr. Cobb is a director of Orbitz Worldwide, Pacific Sunware of California and Och-Ziff Capital Management Group, three companies whose financial health is now in jeopardy because of Cobb's relationship with H&R Block, which affects earnings like King Midas in reverse.

H&R Block's directors are slated to earn fees ranging from $58,800 to $84,400 for 2010, and also to receive a bonus of 10,000 shares of stock.

Cobb was very excited about the stock bonus, until he learned that it was to be H&R Block Stock: 10,000 shares now have a value of $13,10.

Said Cobb, "I thought they outlawed junk-bonds and penny stocks."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: HR block

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