H&R Block: Cardboard? No. Delicious? Yes!! -- HRB's Rejected Ad Slogans.

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Friday, 30 July 2010


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The Fallon Advertising Agency has announced that it will be paid $155 million to change the country's opinion of H&R Block (HRB 0.52, -13.07, -94.45%), long regarded as the greenish-brown sh-tstain in the underpants of retail tax preparation.

Today, Fallon released a list of ad slogans suggested by H&R Block, in an effort to gauge consumers' opinion of the Tower Records of taxes.

H&R Block: Cardboard? No. Delicious? Yes.

H&R Block: Your Parents Gave Us Money. Shouldn't You?

H&R Block: There's Always A Chair Available in Our Waiting Room. Always.

H&R Block: Come for the overpriced Refund Anticipation Loans, Stay for the Free Coffee.

Use H&R Block, Because, C'mon, I've Got Kids To Feed!!

H&R Block: We're Just As Good As TurboTax LOL!

H&R Block: Just Say No.

H&R Block: You Are Getting Sleepy... Sleepy... 'Block is Great. Block is Great.'

H&R Block: If You Don't Use Us, The Terrorists Win.

H&R Block: Stays Crunchy in Milk.

H&R Block: If We Put Girls Dressed Like Uncle Sam in Front Of Our Offices, Would You Stop Going To Liberty Tax?

Buy From H&R Block and We'll Show You Our Boobs."

H&R Block: When It Had To Be Done Right. Ha! Oh, Sorry, We Made Ourselves Laugh.

H&R Block: Everytime Someone Uses Jackson Hewitt, God Kills a Puppy.

H&R Block: Now With A Full Day's Worth Of Vitamin C.

HRB will also be using targeted messaging for their ancillary products*, such as their Refund Anticipation Loans, Emerald Card and "Peace of Mind", the product New Jersey deemed to have been illegally sold as insurance, which promises reimbursement of unpaid tax, penalty and interest should Block make a mistake on your taxes.

H&R Block Emerald Card: It'll Look Cool In Your Wallet.

The Emerald Card: Apply for the card, pay origination fee, have Block prepare your taxes, buy a settlement product, pay for services with refund, load your refund on the card, drain it, lose the card, get another one next year; It's that simple!

H&R Block Bank, with one (1) convenient location, nationwide.

H&R Block: Just Buy The F--king Extended Warranty!

H&R Block: The Peace of Mind® Extended Service Plan (hereinafter at times referred to as "Plan" or "The Plan") offered by HRB Tax Group, Inc. (hereinafter at times referred to as "Block") is available only at participating Block offices at the time your return is completed, but no later than Oct. 31 of the year of the return due date, and The Plan is separate from, and in addition to, the H&R Block Guarantee that pays penalty and interest resulting from an error in tax preparation. ("Not too catchy," said Fallon.)

H&R Block $30.00 Peace of Mind: We Don't Get All The Money; Tax Pros Get 15%**

H&R Block: Buy Peace of Mind, or We'll Scare You Into It.

Peace of Mind, brought to you by Best Buy's Performance Service Plan (PSP).

H&R Block Peace of Mind: We Settled That Lawsuit.

(* It's not anixcelery, M.G.)

(** According to District Judge Michael Reagan in his findings of fact per the the 11-state Class Action suit against Block.)

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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